Trust

Why is trusting SO hard?

How many times has God come through for me and yet I still struggle to trust Him entirely?

It is so much easier sometimes to try and take control yourself, especially when God is not working in your timing.

Being in Kenya has shown me a lot about trust and where it should or shouldn't be placed. There is a saying that goes, "once injured, twice shy." That describes me pretty well in terms of trusting. Unfortunately, I also struggle with generalizing and therefore, if someone breaks my trust, anyone I met at around the same time or in the same situation suffers from that breach of confidence.

Case 1:
Setting: My house
Situation: The contents of my first aid kit and some money are missing
Characters: Two young kenyan ladies from different families

Neither of them admits to taking the money or the first aid supplies. So, in an effort to be fair, neither are allowed any more into my house without close supervision.

That should be the end, right? But no, since my trust in them is broken, my trust in their entire family and their friends is threatened. I have become overly suspicious of anyone entering my home. I struggle to trust even those I know are trustworthy and have an excellent reputation in Kijabe. WHY?

What is trust? Can you trust someone only partially? OR Does it mean that you have full and entire confidence in that person?

Case 2:
Setting: My life
Characters: God and me
Situation: My problems, struggles, and seemingly impossible obstacles

God saw fit to bring me into a personal relationship with Him very early in my life. As I grew older, he taught me more about what it means to be a Christian and how to follow Him. Only by His Grace and help did I make it through my adolescent years. He called me to serve him in missions and then provided me with ways to follow His Calling. God has worked out situations at the last minute, but in His Timing. He supernaturally orchestrated my arrival and ability to work and live in Kenya.

So, if He has come through and worked out SO MANY things in my life thus far, WHY OH WHY do I struggle to trust Him when my computer breaks?

Here's the story:
When my parents came out to Kenya last summer, they brought me over a new laptop because my old one no longer worked. It was supposed to be the toughest computer out there. Within the first few months the back USB port stopped working. Then, a second USB port stopped working with my modem. Now, within the last month, my final USB port started having problems. I have one month left on my warranty, so I called the technical support number.

Another missionary friend had also spoken to the tech support from this company and had warned me of the connection difficulties I might have.

However, when I called and was transferred to the right person, the whole call took less than 15 minutes! And that was even with being put on hold a couple of times!

1 point for God!

In the past, when I have called technical services for my computers, the person is Indian, Asian, or Hispanic, and while I have no problem/issue with any of these people as human beings or people, sometimes understanding them is difficult because of phone connection quality and accent. Imagine my surprise and delight when the man on the other end had a deep southern accent! What I blessing! I could understand every word he said. (Though we had to repeat ourselves a couple of times because of the internet connection.)

2 points for GOD!

This all happened on Wednesday night. All day Wednesday, I had been trying to back up my computer so I wouldn't lose any information when I sent it back to the computer company. Three time the back up had crashed. After talking with Technical support, I started the backing up the computer a fourth time and began worrying that I would never get a full back-up. Why was I worried? Hadn't God already come through for me twice just that day?

I found out that there were three ladies leaving on Thursday and one of these said she was willing to take the computer. Now, if only I could get the computer to backup itself.

Tic-toc, tic-toc. It's past 10 pm and I am still waiting for the back up to finish. It's at 64%. I use the time to talk to my family and a couple friends over the internet. Tic-toc, tic-toc. It is 11:15pm. I am falling asleep, but the back up successfully completed. Praise the LORD!

3 points for GOD!

I left the computer with the guard at CURE because I had to meet the 5am bus from Kijabe to Nairobi on Thursday and didn't know if I would be back in time to get the computer to the lady who volunteered to carry it.

Well, Thursday morning came too fast. I caught the bus (which was early), we hit minimal traffic, and it dropped me off much closer to my connecting station then I expected. The connecting bus filled quickly and I arrived at my destination an hour earlier than expected. Wonderful! Things were moving smoothly!

4 points God!

Now, by this point you should see that God has been providing for me in SO many ways over the last 15 hours and I should be trusting him to get me through the next 15, right?

Well, the Bible says, "The testing of your faith produces perseverance."

Enter testing. The lady who was going to carry my computer started having second thoughts. Once I finished what I needed to do in Nairobi, I hurried back to Kijabe. Half and hour before I arrived, I got a call from the lady saying that she couldn't take it. Now, what was I going to do? No one else from Lower Station Kijabe (where I live and work) was going to the States until mid June and that was too late.

But why was I worrying?
Hadn't God worked things out so far?
Where was my trust?
I know in my heart, but my head isn't following!

I arrived back in Kijabe, picked up my computer and prayed.
Then, it hit me, "What about RVA?"
I quickly called and found out that someone was leaving that very day for the US and might be willing to carry it for me. I tried calling the places the guy might be, but to no avail.So, since I needed to go up to RVA anyway, I picked up my computer and bags and headed up to the school (RVA). I met my Missionary friend, the one who recently sent his computer to the States for repair, and he helped me track down the departing missionary, Lamar. Lamar was very willing to carry the computer and it also gave him an excuse to purchase one of the snazzy RVA computer bags for his computer in the States! (He preferred this option over taking my bag and then having to send it to my parents.) He left last night and my computer is safely on its way to the US. This is an even better situation than the one that fell through before!!!!!

Now, why was I SO WORRIED? Why can I trust God with the big things like salvation from eternal punishment, yet I struggle to trust Him in the little things like getting a computer over the ocean in time for it to be repaired?

GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES! Why do I worry?

I think I need some supernatural help in trusting those who deserve it!

God Bless!