Last Friday I had an anxiety attack in Nairobi.
Now, before you arrange/demand my immediate return to the USA, let me explain.
Thursday evening, I was asked to accompany a missionary and his Kenyan secretary to Nairobi for propriety sake. Since there was not much for me to do in Kijabe on Friday, I agreed to go.
I did not sleep well Thursday night because of incessant nightmares. But all the same, I got up Friday morning and went about my business until the three of us left for Nairobi.
The morning was uneventful, he had a meeting so she and I hung out in the food court at the shopping center. she had a dentist appointment after lunch so we were free until then. I got a little work done on my (temporary) laptop and we walked around a bit. Nothing really exciting.
After lunch, the secretary went to her appointment and the missionary and I went to find a fuse for my converter. After an hour of unsuccessfully searching for the right fuse. We headed back to the shopping center to pick up the secretary.
WELL, then things happened. A policeman waved us over to the side of the road (aka. Our car got pulled over by the policeman.) right outside the shopping center. The policeman told us that we had turned without signalling. (We had signaled, but you never argue outright with a Kenyan Policeman.) He was going to charge us with reckless driving, an offense carrying a fine of over $1,000. He told us we "could finish this right here" and not go to court if we paid him. However, as a missionary, God calls us to follow and obey Him and bribery is wrong, not to mention illegal in Kenya. The missionary (He was driving) told the officer that he was a missionary and would not do anything that would bring shame on someone, even in the appearance of paying a bribe. The policeman told us that we would have to go down to the courthouse and that the missionary would be locked up until he could pay the fine. The missionary said "whatever it takes, do what you have to do." Neither of us had ever met a policeman who was SO insistent on a bribe!
Well, the officer left the window and said he needed to speak with his supervisor.
So, the last paragraph describes the facts. Here is my side. When I see the policeman wave us over, I wonder what is going on. When he leans in my window, 6 inches from my face, I get nervous. When he explains why he pulled us over, I start getting anxious. 100,000 Kenyan Shillings (over $1,000) is A LOT OF MONEY! When the officer starts pushing for a bribe, I get lightheaded and pale. Did I mention his radio at full volume was right beside my ear? I tried to lean my seat back, the officer reacted. I explained about the radio and he turned it off and I sat back up. As the policeman continued to hassle and push for a bribe, I continued to lose my sense of reality and almost passed out once. When the officer left to "speak with his supervisor", I leaned back my seat and before I could stop it had an almost full-blown anxiety attack, in the car, in front of the missionary. I was SOOOOOO embarrassed! The harder I tried to stop it, the worse it got!
I don't exactly know what happened next, but the car started moving and the policeman was gone.
I finally caught my breath and asked the missionary to pray with me and then I was able to calm down. The missionary explained what had happened during my attack and the policeman's reaction. When the missionary saw that I was having an anxiety attack, he felt sorry for me, but thought "this is perfect." He told me I should have seen the look on the policeman's face when he saw me shaking and screaming and asked if I was okay. When the missionary answered no, the policeman told us we could go.
By the time we had found a parking space at the shopping center, I had regained my calm though physically drained. The missionary even had me laughing about the whole situation!
Since the day was hot, I decided to go into the shopping center and help the missionary get the groceries he needed. Thank goodness for shopping carts! They make great walkers when you feel weak!!!!!!! hehe!
The moral of all this is that God uses even the most scary and embarrassing things to His glory! God used one of my biggest weaknesses to show HIS power in getting us out of a potentially horrible situation. Not all police in Kenya are corrupt, but God took care of us when we met this corrupt one.
1 Thessalonians 5: 18 says to "give thanks in all circumstances." Well, I guess that means I should give thanks for my anxiety attacks! I may do my best to control my anxiety and emotions, but I have to be willing to let God use them for His Glory in His Time.
PS. I lost my voice from the screaming.
More on my life soon....
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